Archive for ‘Personal’

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January 4, 2012

Listening Aids May Do More Good than Hearing Aids

Hearing

Image by Keturah Stickann via Flickr

Statistics indicate that about 1 in 10 people have some degree of hearing loss, with the prevalence of loss increasing to 3 in 10 over the age of 65. A major cause of hearing loss is thought to be loud noise from high volume music, children’s toys and industrial settings.  Safe and cheap ways to stave off the purchase of a hearing aid are wearing hearing protection in loud environments, turning down the volume and educating friends and children of these facts.

“Listening loss” is far more prevalent than “hearing loss.” About 80% of the population least prefers Auditory (listening) inputs, when taking in information. Is it any wonder that meetings are long and people don’t understand one another, when the “transmitting style” is Auditory and the preferred “receiving styles” areVisual and Kinesthetic?  Frequent mistakes are made in business and personal interactions when people have to act upon and pass on Auditory information, instructions and directions. Most students struggle in learning situations involving lectures with a minimum of things to look at and do, because the “teaching style” is misaligned with their “learning style.” The world would be more effective and peaceful if we were better listeners.

Listening Aids

Listening aids are Free. They improve relationship rapport, facilitate understanding, avoid costly mistakes and free up more available time. The practical neuroscience methods for improving listening skills shown below apply to 80% of the population. For those of you whose primary or secondary preferred pathway to receive sensory information is Auditory, you are already attentive and patient listeners, ask great questions, remember and trust what you heard and can read tone-of-voice to detect incongruence reliably; you think about the meaning of words and are good at crafting language for talks, presentations, contracts and copy.

  • Be More Visual: Look at the person in face-to-face situations. Comfortable eye contact communicates that you are paying attention. Observe their body language; what is it communicating? Take notes. Let the other person see your notes. Ask them to use a white board or flip chart or outline key points on a piece of paper. This helps understanding, because you are integrating a primary sensory pathway (Visual) with Auditory.

 

  • Be Less Visual: In a lecture situation or on the phone, close your eyes occasionally to remove visual distractions; this helps you focus on what is being said. You can still take notes with your eyes closed.

 

  • Be More Kinesthetic: Engaging in a physical activity, such as moving about respectfully or squeezing a Koosh ball while listening, may help you process Auditory information. You may offer to take a walk or share a meal with another person who wants to have a discussion with you.

 

  • Be More Auditory: Listen to the tone-of-voice. Is it in alignment with what is being said? Ask questions to clarify the meaning of what people are saying and any incongruence you sense between the words and tone-of-voice. Paraphrase what you heard.

In conclusion, “listening loss” is outpacing “hearing loss” at seemingly epidemic rates. The advent of smart phones with visual/kinesthetic texting, games, email and the internet seem to be further defocusing our attention from crafting and listening to the spoken word. Practical neuroscience methods easily and quickly improve listening skills, so we can have greater connectivity and richer relationships with people at home and work.

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December 23, 2011

Peace On Earth and Good Will Are Very Good Things

Peace dove blue sky

Image via Wikipedia

“Peace on earth, good will toward humankind” is a high road, universal message to spread throughout the year. The message is relevant to all places and situations, regardless of one’s religious and spiritual beliefs. If you are reading this article, you undoubtedly care about others as well as yourself, the marker for “good will.”

We have been writing articles on practical neuroscience, developing brain-based human development products and doing workshops and talks since 1992. We deeply and strongly believe that practical neuroscience embraces “peace on earth and good will.” Here are some central ideas around this premise.

  • We are all unique beings with different brain wiring that affects our gifts, interests, careers, emotional trigger points, relationships and the way we navigate life.
  • Our brains are the most miraculous mass of protoplasm in the known universe. The brain is capable of self-analysis, growing more powerful, accessing genius thinking and solving problems.  Collective brains that share high values and goals are the most powerful transformative energy to move quality-of-life to higher plateaus.
  • We all do things for our own reasons, not the reasons of others. Judging others is a form of attack that erodes good will and cooperation.
  • Respecting and supporting the uniqueness and interests of other people creates good will and a more peaceful world; this is a marvelous and delightful act of kindness. Everyone wins.
  • The really good news is that we are all capable of being better, kinder, healthier, happier and more successful human beings through leveraging the power of our brains.
  • The world will be a much better place to live and prosper, when we focus on improving our own quality-of-life, without hindering others as they strive to do the same.
  • Helping others improve their quality-of-life is a very high form of “service beyond self,” a Rotary International saying.
  • Healing words like, “Thank you, Please, I appreciate and value this about you, Great job and I love you,” touch people’s hearts and minds, heal hurtful wounds and build stronger and healthier interdependent relationships.

Peace on earth begins with each individual. We must recognize that we are all doing the very best we can with the state-of-mind we are in and our available resources.  Always accept where you are with gentleness and forgiveness; recognize that your wonderful brain is your personal “Hoover Dam” to power the transformation of your life to levels beyond your wildest dreams. Helping others do the same will accelerate your personal process and is a practical, giant step to building “good will toward humankind.” Practical neuroscience works for anyone and everyone equally well.

Blessings and appreciation to you,

Stephen, Deanna,
Char, Monty and Chuck

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November 30, 2011

Making Shared Visions Real and Meaningful For All Concerned

flip chart 2.0

Image by velkr0 via Flickr

Peter Senge describes “building shared vision” as “a practice of unearthing shared pictures of the future that foster genuine commitment and enrollment rather than compliance.” His description and application applies, not only to teams and organizations, but also to couples, family units and any group of people that comes together for a common purpose. I want to share a fun and dynamic methodology to make shared visions real and meaningful for all the participants.

The characteristics and benefits of shared vision include:

  • Visual portrayal of everyone’s  “picture of success”
  • Focus on collective and mutually beneficial future outcomes
  • Everyone’s voice is heard, respected and acknowledged
  • Visibility of the group’s values that help guide “high road” behaviors
  • Stakeholder buy-in, commitment and involvement
  • Group and organizational performance excellence and sustainability

This practical neuroscience method has been field tested extensively with groups ranging from 3 to 50 people. The group participants may be a family, social organization, church committee, board of directors, sports team, business department or an entire organization. The process can be replicated multiple times in an organization to cover hundreds or thousands of people.

The Basics

  • Every group member willing to participate is included without exception.
  • The meeting room should accommodate all participants to sit in a semi-circle, stand and move about. Less than 30 participants at a time are recommended to allow for maximal participation and keep sessions under 2 hours.
  • A large, smooth and unobstructed white board or wall, with space to post 7-10 flip chart pages, is required in front of participant seating. The flip charts are where the participants place their shared vision notes.
  • Each participant is given an 8 1/2” X 11” paper with 6-8 colored Post-It notes. Additional Post-Its are available upon request.
  • A skilled, non-participating facilitator, known for open-mindedness, flexibility and non-judgment should lead the session.
  • No interruptions or questions are allowed when participants share their “pictures of success.”
  • Order of participation is voluntary; everyone participates.
  • Pre and post-applause for all participants is recommended.

The Process

  1. The facilitator welcomes the group and explains the process and ground rules for sharing. Post-It notes and colored pens are provided for all participants.
  1. Each person records a single idea of his or her vision, picture and description of success, per Post-It note. Description may be a key word, short phrase, value, headline, symbol, color, image, outcome, book, movie, song, event, award, number, dollar amount, sound, feeling, picture or virtually whatever comes to mind. Maximum of 12 ideas per person.
  1. Pre-Applause for first volunteer. First Post-It is placed on any one Flip Chart page and said aloud for everyone to hear. Subsequent ideas are placed next to similar/associated themes or on a separate flip chart if the idea doesn’t seem to relate to the others. Post-applause with no comments or questions.
  1. Pre-applause and post-applause for subsequent volunteers until all participants have shared their vision of success. The process reveals a colorful galaxy of “cluster pattern” themes that constitute the group’s “shared vision.”
  1. The facilitator invites the group to walk around the flip charts for a closer look, name the themes and realign individual notes. Themes may include legacy, values, goals, customer benefits, team benefit and so forth.
  1. The facilitator asks the group if any theme should be dropped because it is less important than the others are. All the groups I have facilitated say all themes are connected and equally important; this response is ideal and should be expected. The facilitator asks the group if they feel their voice has been heard and respected.  Finally, participants are given the opportunity to voice their takeaways and closing comments.
  1. The flip charts and Post-It notes are photographed, transcribed and distributed to each participant. This process continues until all smaller groups, constituting the larger group/organization, have gone through their shared vision sessions. It is strongly advised that the materials be transformed into a colorful mind map for daily viewing, communications, meetings and events. The mind map should be magnified to poster size and hung in large reception areas or other areas where people learn, work and communicate. Smaller versions are made available for every participant.

In conclusion, implementing a “shared vision” session is immensely rewarding for all participants, their organization and the people they serve and interact with. The process connects each person’s mind, body and heart in a respectful way. It brings people together to work with shared purpose, common goals and desired outcomes. Creating a shared vision builds morale, trust and cooperation; it leverages the brainpower and heart power of the group for outstanding and sustainable outcomes.

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November 22, 2011

Are Your Mental Models on the High or Low Road?

Road Closed

Peter Senge in his The Fifth Discipline: The Art and Practice of The Learning Organization (1990) describes mental models as “deeply ingrained assumptions, generalizations, or even pictures of images that influence how we understand the world and how we take action.” Mental models have profound impact on how we view, react to and respond to the world; they shape our decisions, relationships and quality-of-life. They affect us on all levels –personal, social, professional, organizational, national and global.

My purpose is to raise your level of awareness of what mental models are and how they operate.  Practical neuroscience principles and tools help you challenge, change and manage your mental models for a better, more peaceful and less stressful life.

Personal Observations of Mental Models

  • Mental models are stored information and emotional imprints of how your brain perceived  and remembered direct personal experiences, as well as information learned from a third party or indirect source like the media.
  • Mental models that yield harmful outcomes to you and/or others are good candidates for examination and changed thinking.
  • Formed over time from accumulated information, mental models may also be developed quickly and deeply depending on their importance and emotional impact.
  • Most people are unaware of their mental models, where they came from and their effects.
  • Mental models are subtle and challenging to identify and describe.
  • They seem to operate in a “back room” or subconscious part of our brain.
  • Our mental models tend to get stronger over time as human nature wants to “be right” about its opinions.
  • Mental models may or may not be verifiable through direct experience or independent observations from integrous people.

I believe the core question is “how well do my mental models serve me and others,” rather than “are my mental models right or wrong?” There is no right way of taking in and processing sensory information because everyone perceives and interprets information differently. A group of people agreeing on something doesn’t make it true; the process merely bonds the group around something they hold to be true. Needless arguments, and even wars, ensue due to differences of opinion about mental models.

Evaluating Mental Models

These everyday life situations give you a grasp of what mental models look like; each pair contains differences of mindset for illustrative purposes. As you look them over, ask yourself which ones might serve you and others best, rather than deciding on what may be correct or in error. The purpose of this exercise is to shift your focus to a “high road” or positive perspective for evaluating mental models. Hopefully, these examples will stimulate your thinking to write down your mental models that serve you well or poorly.

Low Road: Good ideas for innovation are drying up and there is limited opportunity for me to prosper.

High Road: Good ideas for new products, technology and services are endless and infinite.

 

Low Road: We live in a competitive world of scarcity.

High Road: We live in a world of boundless opportunity where situational cooperation is possible.

 

Low Road: Girls do poorly in math and science.

High Road: Anyone can learn what interests him or her, when in a supportive environment.

 

Low Road: You can’t trust people who look , act and speak a certain way.

High Road: There are trustworthy and untrustworthy people in all walks of life.

 

Low Road: In this economy, no one will interview me, much less, hire me.

High Road: I have transferable skills and positive traits that some employer is looking for.

 

Low Road:  I can’t trust myself behind the wheel due to my driving record and what my spouse says.

High Road: A refresher course will make me a safer, more dependable and better defensive driver.

 

Low Road: I can’t learn new things because I made poor grades and my teacher said I was stupid.

High Road: My brain has infinite capacity to grow, get stronger, learn quickly and make great decisions.

 

Low Road: It’s unlikely I’ll live beyond 73 because of my family health history.

High Road: Good health practices and a positive mental attitude will increase my quality-of-life and perhaps add years to my life span.

In conclusion, mental models are what we believe and hold to be true about life. They are our “software programming” that drives thinking, opinions and behaviors. There is always an outcome from every mental model, although they may not be obvious. People vehemently agree or disagree on the truth of their mental models. The defining moment for challenging a mental model occurs when the focus shifts to the desired outcome. Clarity can best be achieved by examining gaps between what is desired and the outcome that actually occurs. This is the only way I know to break the endless cycle of defending and attacking mental models.

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November 16, 2011

Three Reasons Why People Talk More and Listen Less

Listen, Understand, Act

Image by highersights via Flickr

Have you noticed that many people can’t remember what was said, interrupt others regularly, rarely ask genuine questions and generally have poor listening skills? Has attentive and respectful listening gone out of style since the advent of TV, computer technology, cell phones, texting and video games? I wonder if people were more “auditory,” from a listening standpoint, when distractions were fewer, people engaged in more mealtime conversations and radio was a bigger source of news and entertainment.

Our worldwide statistics show that 78% of the population least prefers to listen as a primary way to receive sensory information; these people prefer to take in information visually and kinesthetically. Why do people who least prefer to listen select talking as their preferred way to express themselves? Practical neuroscience and common sense reveal possible reasons and provide pathways to improve listening competencies.

Reasons Why People Talk More and Listen Less

  • Lack of awareness: I believe most people are unaware of how their poor listening skills negatively impact rapport, harmony and understanding others. Interrupting, “tuning out” others and raising one’s voice to get attention serve no useful purpose; hurt feelings often occur and important information is lost. As a practical matter, meager listening takes a steep toll on valuable time that could be used for other things. At worst, important relationships can be put in jeopardy and may crash. These factors are why people benefit from being informed of how their brains are wired to receive and process information. Practical neuroscience reveals our sensory and cognitive processing strengths, thus providing a simple recipe to communicate with others in optimal ways.
  • Busy Schedules: During an executive coaching session, I asked a person about his listening competency. His reply was, “it’s poor and I don’t care because I don’t have time to listen.” He went on to say, “I prefer to receive information by email, text and brief discussions when walking with a colleague to a meeting or during mealtime.” I asked him what impact his tactics would have on his morale and productivity if he walked in the shoes of his direct reports and peers.  He then asked how he could be a better listener; the Hot Tips (below) summarize what I suggested. Within a week of using these new “high road” listening tactics, this busy executive received positive feedback from three people saying they enjoyed working with him and it seemed like he was different person.
  • Maintaining Control: As long as you are talking, you don’t have to listen, answer questions or respond to other people. A higher form of talking is using language understandable to others, stating the purpose of the communication and asking questions to confirm their understanding. Listening requires attention, focus, personal involvement and feedback. Attentive and respectful listening sends a strong message that you care about the other person; talking, alone, may introduce an element of doubt about your intention and integrity.

Hot Tips for Being a Better Listener

  • Ask for the purpose and desired outcomes of the conversation.
  • Respectfully, set a time period for the discussion, if time is an issue.
  • Do not interrupt and impose your opinion.
  • Ask questions to gain clarity and understanding.
  • Listen for congruency of tone-of-voice and body language with what’s being said.
  • Paraphrase what you hear.

In conclusion, improved listening skills pay big dividends of relationship rapport, mutual respect, understanding others and making effective use of available time. Based on statistics, most people should talk less and communicate more visually and kinesthetically. Practical neuroscience methods are the ideal solution for “transmitting” information on the preferred “receiving wavelengths” of others.

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November 8, 2011

Practical Neuroscience Approach to Personal Mastery

Premioneurona

Several visionaries cite “learning” as a key ingredient to personal and organizational success:

Peter Senge identifies “personal mastery” as the second discipline of a learning organization in his book, The Fifth Discipline: The Art and Practice of The Learning Organization (1990). Senge describes personal mastery as a commitment of employees and leaders to the process of learning.

John Naisbitt says, “In a world that is constantly changing, there is no one subject or set of subjects that will serve you for the foreseeable future, let alone for the rest of your life. The most important skill to acquire now is learning how to learn.”

Peter Drucker states, “We now accept the fact that learning is a lifelong process of keeping abreast of change. And the most pressing task is to teach people how to learn.”

Steven Covey declares that the mental component of “Sharpening Your Saw” (the 7th habit of The 7-Habits of Highly Effective People) is “learning, reading, writing and teaching.”

Many people agree on the underlying value of personal mastery through lifelong learning. However, few know the practical neuroscience principles and practices behind learning with ease, thinking imaginatively and logically, solving problems quickly, working happily, communicating effectively and making decisions accurately. Most people appear highly interested in learning more about how their brains are wired for success and what makes them tick. There seems to be a strong undercurrent of awareness that understanding and leveraging individual and collective brainpower may be one of the last frontiers for human development.

Practical Neuroscience 101 for Gaining Personal Mastery

The following is a summary compilation of practical neuroscience principles and practices that will help you understand and leverage your brain strengths for personal mastery.

  • Practical Neuroscience: An overarching term comprised of neuroscience-based principles and practices focused on understanding “self” and the people you influence and lead. Practical neuroscience acknowledges and respects diverse brain strengths, varied knowledge, personal interests and emotional trigger points; it enables people to be the best they can be, individually and collectively.
  • Neuroplasticity: Your brain is the most amazing mass of protoplasm in the known universe. It contains about 100 billion neuron cells, each having the potential to make multiple connections with other cells. Your brain is dynamic, not static. Neuroscience research reveals that you have “brain plasticity” or the ability to continuously grow and adapt your brain as you learn and use new information, despite your age. The more you learn, think and use knowledge, the more you grow and increase your intelligence and resourcefulness. What set Einstein’s genius apart, was not what he started with, but how he developed his thinking through vast neuron pathways. The bottom-line is that we can rewire our own brains for new and better outcomes and help other people do the same.
  • Learning Is Voluntary: Your brain must establish value and positive emotions to engage with learning, thinking, listening, working and any form of mental or physical activity. Fear works poorly as a motivator and is not healthy or sustainable.
  • Unique Sensory and Cognitive Strengths: Everyone has their preferred order for taking in sensory information; there are six combinations of Visual, Kinesthetic and Auditory sequences. Besides, people have cognitive preferences for processing sensory information, receiving communications and for specific types of work activities; there are three major categories: Sequential, Global and Integrated.
  • Alignment Is Your Key to Success:  No one combination of sensory and cognitive preferences is better than another. The key to success is aligning your brain strengths with activities and tasks you are passionate about and require your strengths. Communication challenges are often due to misalignment with how people prefer to receive and process information. You can “flex” and align with people who are different from you to gain rapport, respect, trust and understanding.
  • Integrate Fun Into Everything You Do: Your brain is naturally curious and loves to learn. A fun and safe environment naturally engages your brain. Create fun and safe environments for others; teach others what you want to learn. These are some characteristics of a neuro-leader.

In conclusion, practical neuroscience is the pathway to greater self-awareness of your potential for personal mastery. Online, validated assessments accurately determine your sensory and cognitive strengths and offer tools to help improve your learning, thinking, problem solving, decision making, communication success, career fulfillment, and help you experience more fun in life.

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October 12, 2011

X-Ray Vision? No, but Try These Tips to Strengthen Your Real Visual Pathway Powers

X-Ray Vision

Image by ultraswank.net via Flickr

What would it be like if you could tap into and leverage your visual powers to improve performance in any area of your life, see what other people may miss and create innovative solutions to life challenges? This is not science fiction; it’s practical neuroscience that can be accomplished by anyone with an open and willing mind.

Your visual cortex is the largest, and perhaps the most underutilized, system in your brain. It’s responsible for processing and giving meaning to visual information. The primary visual cortex is located in the back of your brain in two hemispheres of the cerebral cortex. The left hemisphere visual cortex receives signals from your right eye and the right visual cortex from your left eye. Thinking visually, with your eyes closed, activates a kaleidoscope of imagery, color, symbols, pattern recognition and pictures to help you remember what was seen and to access your inner world of imagination. This basic practical neuroscience information frames the experiential exercises and ideas presented below.

“Eyes Open” Strategies

These ideas strengthen your visual acuity and give you enhanced perspective to catch information you may have been missing.

Strengthening Your Visual Powers:

  • Select something visually interesting – a photograph, magazine, ad or written material. Look at it intently for 30 seconds and lay it aside. Say aloud or write down everything you remember – message, color, images and details. Look at the material again and see how accurate you were. Repeat the process many times. After you experience improvement, ask some of your friends to engage in the exercise and discover if more improvement is possible.
    • Select a page of written text or something you find interesting. Rotate the page so that you are looking at it upside down. Focus on the images and words. Say aloud what you see. See how proficient you can be reading and looking at things upside down.

Balancing Your Hemispheres and Curing “Lazy Eye”

  • Point your right or left thumb upwards and make a large sweeping “figure 8” pattern. Follow the pattern with your eyes for about 7 to 11 rotations, then change rotation direction. This method will help balance your hemispheres and alleviate “lazy eye” that comes from staring or fixating on a visual pattern. It helps people read quicker and with greater ease.
  • Play or observe live rapid eye-hand coordination sports like table tennis, volley ball and badminton.

Improving Reading Focus and Retention

  • Try placing different colors of transparency films over what you are reading. Red may perk up your energy level; blue may calm you down. Experiment and discover the effects on focus, concentration and memory. This may be the break-through you are looking for if you have a child struggling with reading.

“Eyes Closed” Strategies

Accessing Your Hemisphere of Choice

Retina eye positions connect to different portions of your brain through the optic nerve. You can access and focus on your visual, auditory and kinesthetic pathways by controlling where you are looking, even when your eyes are closed. When you look upward, you are connecting with your visual cortex. The lateral, side-to-side direction connects with your ability to remember and recall or create something new and different. The methods below may need to be reversed for some left handed people or the small percentage of right handed people with reverse wiring.

  • Keeping your eyes closed, move them upwards and to the left as you are thinking about something you want to remember. (e.g. “What did I wear yesterday?” “What’s the answer to this test question?”) Ask yourself silently or aloud what it is that you want to remember and see on your internal screen.
  • Move your eyes upwards to the right as you create something new or when searching for a new perspective. (e.g. “Where do I see myself on my 2-week vacation?” “What does my ideal job look like?”) Ask yourself, silently or aloud, what you want to see as possibilities and options on your internal screen.

Attaining Performance Excellence

The brain does not know the difference between actually doing something in the physical world and practicing it     in your “mind’s eye.” This is a well known method used by world class athletes to practice their techniques and  sharpen their performance.

  • The first step is to observe and study role models of performance excellence. This can be in any field of endeavor that interests you, including sports, public speaking, teaching, parenting, leadership and hands-on professions like medicine.
  • The next step involves getting relaxed, comfortable and closing your eyes. Imagine doing what your role model does when performing. Imagine observing a movie screen with you acting out a performance in which you excel. Incorporate your role model’s state-of-mind, resoluteness, values and intention, as you know them. Practice sessions should last as long as you are comfortable and not straining. Be patient, as early sessions may only last a couple of minutes before you get tired.  Repetition builds and strengthens the neuro-patterns for the new behaviors. Strive for 30-40 sessions, or more, lasting 5-7 minutes each.
  • You will be amazed and delighted to see your outer-world performance improve as you implement this technique and practice in your inner-world. This can be a continuous, lifelong process to get you primed and prepared before public speaking, playing your favorite sport or performing your daily work.

In conclusion, your brain is truly the most miraculous mass of protoplasm in the known universe. Your visual cortex is the largest operating system in your brain and has potential to enhance your life experiences beyond your wildest dreams. You can utilize its powers with your eyes open or closed. The eyes-closed potential may be the most exciting because you are exploring the infinite realms of possibility instead of your immediate field of vision in the outer world.

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September 28, 2011

Recovering From a Crashed Relationship

Broken Heart symbol

Image via Wikipedia

When a relationship with a loved one or someone you work with crashes, the effect takes a big toll on your mental, emotional and physical health. How many of these symptoms can you relate to? What others can you add to the list?

  • Thinking about the situation and playing it back in your mind more than 3 times a day
  • Avoiding contact or feeling apprehensive about the person
  • Finding yourself attacking and/or defending, rather than searching for a solution
  • Having difficulty focusing on your work and other relationships
  • Sleeping less and fitfully
  • Building your case that you are “right” and the other person is “wrong” or “off-base”
  • Experiencing lower productivity and getting fewer things done
  • Feeling a sore throat or cold coming on, new aches and pains

Are you so immersed and drowning in your thoughts and feelings, that you haven’t considered asking some questions that may lead you back to a better state of mind and being?

1. Do you want to heal and improve the relationship? If not, why?

2. What positive outcomes will occur when your relationship gets better?

3. Does the other person want the same or different things?

4. Did the collapse occur over time or instantaneously, without advance notice?

5. What are your insights on the factors that contributed to the collapse?

6. Are you willing to open up and share your thoughts and feelings?

7. How well do you both normally communicate with one another? Does it seem you are on the same or different wavelengths?

Many couples and people who work together are simply not on the same “wavelength” when communicating and processing information. They also are likely to have very different strengths regarding work, personal activities and how they go about solving problems and making decisions. These differences, if you are unaware of them, will inevitably cause conflict and frustration. Being aware of your differences is the foundation for an extraordinary relationship because you cover a wide range of diversity and experience you can tap into and leverage.

Here is a solid and safe approach to repairing the damage in a crashed relationship. Agree to a time and safe place when “cool heads” prevail. Share the discussion questions above in advance. Take each question, one at a time, and allow each other to express without interruptions, judgements or questions. Ask questions after each person completes expressing their thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge each person’s thoughts and feelings by paraphrasing what you heard, observed and felt. Consider learning how you both prefer to exchange and process information if you decide to build a new and better relationship. The author resource provides a helpful website to expand and deepen appreciation and respect for one another.

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September 14, 2011

Three Blessings of Perception to Navigate Life’s Choices

Blind men and an elephant

Image via Wikipedia

When you think about the myriad decisions you have to make each day, you may want an expanded, intelligent basis for making better choices. Understanding and leveraging the three blessings of perception may be the best way to navigate life’s decisions and achieve the outcomes you desire. The alternative is being told what to do by others and/or making poor choices impulsively, without thinking things through.

There are infinite levels of perception and choice when it comes to understanding and applying the principles behind the three blessing of perception. The classic story of the “blind men and an elephant” illustrates the need for open-mindedness to understand different perspectives and comprehend the basis of choice. The story also provides insight into the relativity of perception and the nature of truth.

The theme is that a group of blind men are instructed to touch an elephant to learn what it is like. Each blind man feels a different part and they compare notes. One feels the tusk and says it’s a pipe, another feels the tail and says it’s a rope; the one who touches the leg says it’s a pillar; still another, who feels the belly, says it’s a wall and so on. They learn that their experiences differ greatly. After intense and heated disagreement, a wise King explains that all the blind men are right because they touched different parts of the elephant and the elephant possesses all the characteristics described. In actuality, the blind men came to know much more about the nature of an elephant that most people from the entire process. They focused on one aspect and shared their perspectives to construct a more expansive picture with the help of the King. They not only knew about the content of an elephant, they also came to know the essence and context of an elephant. The combination of this knowledge becomes, metaphorically, significant and valuable.

The three blessing of perception are:

Humility

Recognize that there is more going on around you than you perceive. You cannot possibly collect enough accurate observations and data to form a complete picture of anything. The awareness of this truth opens your mind to ask revealing questions, helps you go beyond first impressions and encourages you to investigate the perceptions of others. Remember the story about the blind men and the elephant.

Relative Perception

Everything is a continuum of infinite relativities. One person may say 100° Fahrenheit is hot, but a steel maker will say that 1,000° Fahrenheit is not hot enough to melt all the metallic ingredients to make the desired alloy. A mother may say that standing on the third rung of a stepladder is too high and scary, but an astronaut on the moon may say she wants the exhilaration of going still higher.

Mother Teresa gave selfless service to the hungry, poor and sick people on the streets of Bombay; a bank robber may value stealing from others and then decide to give it up and move to the next level of being a responsible citizen.  Each person here is evolving to higher levels of values and behavior. The point is that everyone is doing the best they can in their environment, given their state-of-mind and available knowledge. The moral of these examples is to suspend judgment of others and to focus on your own life. Suspend judgment of yourself as well and move on to the next level of being the best person you can be.

Trust in Your Trusted Advisors

Sometimes you simply have not lived long enough to accumulate adequate experiences from which to draw wisdom in certain situations. You can, however, use knowledge of other people’s struggles, failures and successes as a basis for making better personal decisions.

Trusted advisors are not necessarily people who have made all the right choices. Great lessons can be learned from people who have made poor decisions and failed. Also, select people you admire and ask yourself what they would do in the situation. These may be people you interact with in your daily life or familiar individuals whose stories and lessons you can learn and absorb from great books, magazines, newspaper articles, movies, lectures and talks, internet or television.

In summary, the three blessing of perception lead to highest levels of making decisions, solving problems and living the best life possible. Humility added to recognizing the relativity of everything and tapping into the experiences of others is a sure-fire formula for continuous learning and raising the bar for a more prosperous, peaceful and fulfilling life.

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September 6, 2011

Unleash Your Genius with Mind Mapping

Mind map of the mind map guidlines.

Image via Wikipedia

Mind mapping is a powerful and underutilized whole brain system to solve problems, make decisions, develop plans, accelerate learning and communicate effectively with others. It’s faster, more fun and covers more bases than traditional outlining methods.

Mind mapping is widely acknowledged as being developed by British psychology author and brain researcher, Tony Buzan. His mind mapping contributions are an integrated approach, combining key words, visual images and symbols into a free-flowing “tree” emanating from a central idea, concept or subject area. “Trunks, branches and leaves” are the associated key points forming the “tree.” The process ends with a logical element of analysis and alignment.  Other practitioners of mind mapping are Nancy Margulies (author and visual mapping artist) and Michael Gelb (author of How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci).

The core concepts and methodology of mind mapping are well grounded and supported by practical neuroscience. The system taps into the visual cortex that constitutes a large percentage of the brain’s neurons. Mind mapping uses the brain’s imagination, natural curiosity and logical thinking powers. Most people are amazed at how quickly the system captures their ideas, stimulates creativity and formulates practical and realistic solutions to complex problems.

Despite what you may think, mind mapping doesn’t require artistic abilities. Anyone can mind map. Willingness to engage in the following simple and practical neuroscience methodology is the primary requirement to get started.

Materials

Start with a large piece of paper; flip chart paper is ideal. Use colored pens, pencils or crayons. Purchase colored stickers depicting shapes, images and symbols that appeal to you and pertain to the subject matter. These will give your mind map artistic qualities without requiring artistic skill.

Methodology

1. Start In The Middle: Draw a circle or oval with the subject or key concept in the middle of the page. You can use a symbol, image, or key word. Even a small photograph works fine.

2. Employ Key Words: Single key words are preferred over phases and short sentences. This may take a little patience and practice at first. Developing the ability to think in key words pays dividends because they are content rich, easy to remember and activate other key word concepts. “Strings” of associated key words eventually describe the context of a situation and the pathways to the insights, solutions and your desired outcomes. Key words are powerful catalysts for both creative and practical thinking. Effective use of key words is a competence worth cultivating.

a. Print your strongest concept key words on lines (to form the “trunks of the tree”) emanating from your subject in the middle of the page. As an example, if you are mind mapping your business, start with words like “PURPOSE,” “CUSTOMERS,” “CONCERNS” and “GOALS.” Be sure to use only one key word per line. Utilize color, images and symbols. This is where your stickers may be a handy aid. Stick figures and other simple, hand-drawn symbols work well.

b. Your key words will stimulate other key words aligned with central ideas. As an example “CONCERNS” may trigger new key words like “FINANCING,” “COMPETITION,” and “LICENSING;” these become new lines (e.g. “branches”) emanating from the “CONCERNS” line. These key words will create another chain or sequence of key words that become more new lines (e.g. “leaves”).  Again, always use color and images to depict and add meaning to your key words. It is best to print your key words.

3. Let It Flow and Go: Spontaneity, imagination and “big picture thinking” are the operative words when mind mapping during this early creative stage. Move as quickly as you can to fill out your page. Go wherever you want. This is not the place or time to be logical and sequential. If you get “writer’s block” with any string of associated key words, move to another key word “trunk” or “branch” that catches your eye and add key words that come to mind. Continue until you feel you have more than enough ideas to work with.

4. Analyze and Align: Take a break and rest awhile before you come back to analyze and align the results of your imaginative, free-association stage. This is the part of the process that will utilize your sequential, analytical and logical powers. Look for themes, patterns and relationships between the “trunks, branches and leaves.” Align and connect parts of your “tree,” using more lines, arrows, symbols and key words to give it additional meaning and provide the outcomes for which you are looking. You may also select what you think are the most relevant parts and eliminate the ones that seem unimportant.

5. Redraw Mind Map: Depending on the application, you may want to redraw your mind map and sequence the key ideas and concepts with numbers in a clockwise manner. This may be appropriate for communication and training purposes or for your use as a daily learning and memory aid to building a business or implementing a significant project.

In summary, mind mapping will reveal and unleash the genius within by utilizing the power of your visual cortex, imagination and logical thinking for planning, learning, solving problems and communicating with others. You have nothing to lose except the opportunity to directly experience the power of your brain to leapfrog your life forward.

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