Posts tagged ‘love’

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September 28, 2011

Recovering From a Crashed Relationship

Broken Heart symbol

Image via Wikipedia

When a relationship with a loved one or someone you work with crashes, the effect takes a big toll on your mental, emotional and physical health. How many of these symptoms can you relate to? What others can you add to the list?

  • Thinking about the situation and playing it back in your mind more than 3 times a day
  • Avoiding contact or feeling apprehensive about the person
  • Finding yourself attacking and/or defending, rather than searching for a solution
  • Having difficulty focusing on your work and other relationships
  • Sleeping less and fitfully
  • Building your case that you are “right” and the other person is “wrong” or “off-base”
  • Experiencing lower productivity and getting fewer things done
  • Feeling a sore throat or cold coming on, new aches and pains

Are you so immersed and drowning in your thoughts and feelings, that you haven’t considered asking some questions that may lead you back to a better state of mind and being?

1. Do you want to heal and improve the relationship? If not, why?

2. What positive outcomes will occur when your relationship gets better?

3. Does the other person want the same or different things?

4. Did the collapse occur over time or instantaneously, without advance notice?

5. What are your insights on the factors that contributed to the collapse?

6. Are you willing to open up and share your thoughts and feelings?

7. How well do you both normally communicate with one another? Does it seem you are on the same or different wavelengths?

Many couples and people who work together are simply not on the same “wavelength” when communicating and processing information. They also are likely to have very different strengths regarding work, personal activities and how they go about solving problems and making decisions. These differences, if you are unaware of them, will inevitably cause conflict and frustration. Being aware of your differences is the foundation for an extraordinary relationship because you cover a wide range of diversity and experience you can tap into and leverage.

Here is a solid and safe approach to repairing the damage in a crashed relationship. Agree to a time and safe place when “cool heads” prevail. Share the discussion questions above in advance. Take each question, one at a time, and allow each other to express without interruptions, judgements or questions. Ask questions after each person completes expressing their thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge each person’s thoughts and feelings by paraphrasing what you heard, observed and felt. Consider learning how you both prefer to exchange and process information if you decide to build a new and better relationship. The author resource provides a helpful website to expand and deepen appreciation and respect for one another.

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August 2, 2011

Regaining Your Personal Power Through Neuroscience and Love

A firm hand on the tiller

Image by Ruth Flickr via Flickr

Are you feeling lost and powerless? Perhaps you’re wondering how you got to where you are and what you need to do to get to a better place. Many people are experiencing confusion, fear and uncertainty during these troubled times. Regaining your personal power is your navigation system to a better life. Personal power is a combination of brainpower, “heart power” and a sprinkling of “ego power.”

What is Personal Power?

Personal power is when you experience what you want regardless of what’s going on around you. People with personal power consciously and deliberately use practical neuroscience to manifest the most important things they need for fulfillment and growth. The highest level of personal power is when you add “heart power,” or love, to brainpower.

Personal power is also being self-aware of your mental, emotional and physical nature and continuously improving each on a daily basis. Through continuous learning and positive actions, your state of mind and body improves; likewise, your knowledge and “tool box” of manifestation methods grows as well. This process strengthens and increases your personal power.

Great leaders use personal power and the power of like minds to create positive and sustainable change. They know we live in an infinite and abundant universe capable of creating what we want through thoughts, words and actions. Great leaders are resolute and confident when changing things for highest good. In the words of Winston Churchill, “never, ever give up.”

Brainpower

The underlying neuroscience concept for using brainpower to manifest change is to define and get very clear on what you want, rather than what you don’t. Your brain attracts and creates experiences it imagines and thinks about.

Make your goals real by writing them down, imagining wonderful outcomes and thinking about the positive feelings associated with what you want. It’s essential to develop and keep a positive mental attitude and it helps to make and work a plan.

Heart Power

True personal power does no harm to anyone. Love knows that everyone is doing the best they can. Judgment enters the picture because we are all capable of doing better and improving. This statement may help you understand why people attack themselves and others. Everything is relative like “hot and cold,” “good and bad;” it all depends on your perspective, based on your life experience.

Love places you in “neutral gear,” where you quietly and calmly observe and evaluate what’s going on. The goal is understanding the dynamics and potential outcomes. Avoid getting caught up in an emotional state that blocks clear thinking. You can take action if you wish; just do no harm to anyone. Attacks and judgment fuel volatile situations like injecting oxygen into a blast furnace. Forgiveness, love and non-judgment heal.

Ego Power

Ego power is about “me, me, wonderful me.” At extreme levels, narcissistic egotistical behavior dominates without regard for others. It’s highly unlikely that anyone reading this article falls into this category because these extremists have no interest in brainpower and love power. Using a combination of neuroscience, brainpower and love, automatically puts the ego in check. So, a sprinkling of ego makes your journey interesting and fun. Your ego is a part of you and deserves respect and love.

Summary

True personal power is in trusting that your brain, heart and the natural order of the universe are working in your favor. A gentle and firm hand on the “tiller” will keep you on-course while you remain alert to changing conditions, opportunities and risks.

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July 5, 2011

Three Secret Hot Tips for Exceptional Rapport and Communication

Communication

Image by P Shanks via Flickr

Nearly everyone desires exceptional rapport and communications with people they love and care about; this is the key to building successful and healthy long-term relationships. Professional relationships also require communication excellence to convey information efficiently and gain understanding quickly for people to do their jobs properly.

The core premise for exceptional rapport and communication is anchored in practical neuroscience. Achieving communications excellence requires attentiveness to everyone’s unique preferences for taking in and processing information. When you align your transmitting style with another’s preferred receiving style, you exponentially increase the probability for greater rapport and understanding. This is because people immediately become aware that you are on “their wavelength.” It is also important to respect the other person’s views, values and where they are coming from. These principles have enormous implications in all human relationships.

Hot Tip #1: Seek to understand before being understood

People relate to one another better when there is mutual respect and some level of caring about each other’s well being. In work situations, be sure to take the time to build sound relationship foundations, even if there are areas of disagreement and conflict. These foundations are particularly useful when time is of the essence to get things accomplished in stressful situations.

Interrupting one another to drive-home points-of-view, before paying attention and understanding each other, is a “dead end street.” Interruptions usually result in confusion, anger and resentment. It’s not necessary to agree with one another. Understanding respective positions, rationale and thinking, however, are required to co-exist peacefully. One can always find areas of commonality to move forward, no matter how far apart you may seem.

Hot Tip #2: Align with the person’s sensory and cognitive thinking preferences

Auditory learners prefer to listen and ask questions. Be sure to ask them to paraphrase their understanding of what you said; likewise, repeat back to them what you heard them say. They need quiet and interruption free environments to listen deeply and process what was heard.

Visual learners prefer to see instructions, progress reports and general information in visual form with a minimum of words. Use email, mind maps and white boards to convey key points. They prefer uncluttered environment to avoid distraction from what they are looking at.

Kinesthetic learners prefer hands-on interactions, when receiving and processing information. They need to incorporate movement and touch, when looking at or hearing about the subject matter. Provide for physical comfort, movement and frequent breaks.

Sequential thinkers prefer information presented in orderly, logical and realistic ways. They want facts, figures and data from reliable sources. Sequential thinkers prefer bright light and a formal work environment.

Global thinkers prefer the “big picture,” possibilities and options. They thrive in open-ended situations where they can use their imagination. Global thinkers prefer informal and unstructured environments.

Hot Tip #3:Match, Match, Match

Rapport language means specific types of words, which resonate with Auditory, Visual and Kinesthetic learners and Sequential and Global thinkers. Use the appropriate rapport language to match the preferences of others. To learn more about this, contact the author for a free, one-page Rapport Language List. The email link is on the Brain PathWays™ web site.

Vocal speed varies, depending on the person’s strongest sensory pathway. Pay attention to the other person’s vocal speed and match it respectfully, so they experience language alignment with you.

Body Language reveals what the person is experiencing and feeling. Imagine yourself as their dance partner. Be respectful and match subtly with similar, but not exact, movements. Make comfortable eye contact when eyes meet. Staring may make a person feel uncomfortable, whereas no eye contact may send the message that you are not interested.

In summary, secret hot tips for exceptional rapport and communication are simple and quick practical neuroscience methods that connect you with another person on deep and meaningful levels. These practices are based on conscious and respectful transmission of your message, in the way that the other person’s brain is wired to receive and process information most effectively. All personal and professional relationships you care about will benefit from these brain-based hot tips. The outcomes are always greater understanding, increased respect and enhanced ability to solve problems and move forward together.

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September 28, 2010

Be the Lovers You Both Have Dreamed Of!

Lovers embracing on the beach at sundown / sun...

Image by mikebaird via Flickr

Have you wondered why lovemaking is more mutually satisfying with some partners than with others? Was it you? Was it them? Was it your experience, or lack thereof? Some partners seem to be on the same page with you, while others…not so much. Why is this? Are there basic but different styles and preferences to sex? You bet! Then how do you begin to understand how to keep the one you love happy in matters of lovemaking (and help them keep you happy too)?

For each of us, beyond the initial chemistry, we are internally hardwired to how we prefer to experience sex. The more we understand how our partners and we are wired, the more consistently rewarding relationships become.

The first key is how you and your partner like to use your senses during sex. The second is how you prefer the pattern of sexual activities to unfold. Neuroscience unlocks these preferences and patterns for lovemaking!

To get started, which of the following sensory characteristics do you and your partner relate to the most and least? Focus on the most important sensory preference for each person. With practice, work toward integrating the two strongest sensory pathways into your sexual repertoire. For variety and spice, combine the strongest and weakest sensory pathways. Also, experiment with scent and taste like aromatic candles, essential oils, sensual food and drinks.

Kinesthetic: How things feel

Try: Comfortable settings with freedom to move about, pillows, non-traditional settings, massage, different positions, diverse kinesthetic activities, touch and movement.

Visual: How things look

Try: Visually attractive environment, provocative clothing, art, flowers, candles, stimulating images, mirrors, nature scenes, descriptive notes, look deeply into each other’s eyes.

Auditory: How things sound

Try: Quiet and interruption free environment, talk, listen, and ask questions, mood music, verbally descriptive, express feelings auditorily, move to the tempo and rhythm of music.

It’s also important to experience sensory sexual activities in the cognitive pattern of choice.

Sequential: Predictability and knowing what to expect

Try: Agreed upon activities within a timeframe

Global: Open ended possibilities and options

Try: Variety and open-ended activities with spontaneity

Integrated: a balance of Sequential and Global

Try: Random variation of predictability and unpredictability

It’s fun and easy to accommodate each other’s neuroscience preferences and patterns in sexual encounters. The possibilities are endless. You should be able to get started now. If you are different from one another, you have the possibility of doubling your pleasures. Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin.

Consider gifting one another with a Brain PathWays report . Use your partner’s and your lists of activities you enjoy the most to create your sexual smorgasbord of fulfillment, excitement and ecstasy. Respecting and responding safely to one another’s sexual preferences builds deep bonds of respect and caring.

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August 21, 2010

Are Communications Tense in Your Relationship? Get on the Same Wavelength!

Emotions spiraling out of control

Good relationships can get crazy and spiral out-of-control when emotions, deep vulnerability and egos take hold. This is when love, logic and clear thinking goes out the window and you are at a total loss for what to do. Continuing to communicate in this state of craziness is a fruitless and frustrating exercise.

Deanna and I are the developers of neuroscience systems for establishing rapport, understanding and harmony. These tools are utterly useless when emotions are allowed to run rampant. They work best when both parties are in the proper state-of-mind to use them.

This is what we have learned as a married couple and business partners. Perhaps what we do will help you when communications get crazy with significant people in your life.

1. Say you’re sorry. Admit you played a role in the problem. Say you will learn from it to avoid this ever happening again.

2. Agree you want to heal the relationship. This is the defining moment that establishes the intention and commitment to work on the relationship.

3. Revisit the situation when cool heads prevail. Time apart should be spent thinking about your role in the problem and identifying the “hot buttons” that ignited the chain reaction. Avoid the dead-end street of defending your position and attacking the other person. Focus on positive things you have control over in future interactions.

Begin by saying, again, that you are sorry and want the relationship to be better and stronger. Share with one another the lessons learned. Convey your ideas to improve the relationship. It’s essential in a growing relationship to know how to communicate on each others “wavelength.” This builds rapport and saves valuable time. Brain PathWays provides comprehensive tools to improve communication effectiveness with anyone by 25% to 40% or more.

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August 19, 2010

3 Steps to Improve Conflicted Relationships

Are you getting so used to conflict that it seems natural and normal? Maybe this is an opportunity to take a look at symptoms of a conflicted relationship so you can do something before it becomes a failed relationship. Are you:

  • Feeling misunderstood and unappreciated?
  • Interrupting one another?
  • Reaching agreement on anything?
  • Experiencing difficulty making decisions and solving problems together?
  • Thinking something is wrong with you or the other person?

Any of these signs can escalate. This may be a great opportunity to take stock of your “relationship inventory.” How important is this relationship? What are the benefits? What brought you together? What’s dividing you? Who else is your relationship affecting? Is it possible that some of your difficulties may be in the way you communicate with one another and not necessarily with the subject matter in which you may have different points-of-view?

The 3 steps to improve a conflicted relationship are:

  1. Recognize there is conflict and both parties have a role. There is no right or wrong!
  2. Identify the benefits of harmony and clarify whether both parties want to resolve the conflict
  3. Exchange your thoughts and feeling on each other’s communication wavelengths

Step 1 may be the most difficult as you blame each other for the problems. Once this hurdle has been mounted it is relatively easy to decide if you want to work on making things better. The key to success in Step 2 is to identify the positive outcomes of healing and growing the relationship. Unless there is a reason to move forward, there will be an endless cycle of destructive behavior. This is also a great opportunity to share what you value about each other. This may be the trigger point to move forward. The important thing is to keep the discussion positive and respectful. Recognize that each person is unique and you may share more differences than similarities. Actually, this is an advantage because of the learning potential for one another. And, it keeps the relationship alive and interesting. 

Step 3 requires some homework. Do you both know how your brains are wired for communicating, thinking, working, learning, making decisions and solving problems?  Most people do not have the self-awareness and the necessary knowledge to merge strengths for great relationship outcomes. This applies to relationships with lovers, friends and in the workplace. www.brainpathways.net provides a reliable and low cost analysis of how your brain is wired, what makes you tick and how to leverage your strengths. Powerful neuroscience tools provide recommendations to communicate more effectively, get work accomplished in less time with fewer mistakes, select the right jobs and manage stress. When two or more people share their brain pathways strengths, they multiply the power of diversity.

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