Posts tagged ‘Self-Help’

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January 15, 2013

Downside of Doing, Upside of Being

5/4/2010: To-Do List

5/4/2010: To-Do List (Photo credit: john.schultz)

Do you think our society and children are lost in technology, endless “to do” activities, and low-road behaviors that limit human potential?   Perhaps we have been neglecting our core self that yearns for peace of mind, happiness, harmonious relationships, and inner growth.  We may be temporarily lost in “doing” if we don’t have enough time and are stressed out, concerned about our health,  experiencing relationship conflicts, feeling bewildered, or wondering about the meaning of life. Practical neuroscience insights and ideas help us navigate a balance between doing and being, thus living a higher quality and purpose driven life.

Differences between Doing and Being

“Doing” involves daily activities like getting to work, working your “to do” lists, following instructions, responding to distractions, solving problems, dealing with relationship dynamics, attaining goals, and staying healthy. Most people can relate to and explain the importance of “doing;” indeed, it is an essential component of practical living. It may be helpful to view “doing” as content, and “being” as context. Where people go astray is by placing their “doing” activities on a high plateau, mistakenly thinking they are the most important aspect of their lives; this condition can be likened to the metaphor, “can’t see the forest for the trees.”

“Being,” on the other hand, is a bit deeper and more philosophical. It has to do with “who you are,” “why you are here” and “how you can best live the life you have been gifted with.” “Being” involves your state of mind (e.g. positive or negative), your values and beliefs, and how you want to treat yourself and others. There is a huge spectrum of choices ranging from “high-road being” (e.g. grateful, kind, caring, loving, empathetic, patient, forgiving, respectful, helpful, cooperative) and “low-road being” (e.g. mean, abusive, dictatorial, judgmental, opinionated, angry, disrespectful, righteous, competitive, narcissistic).

Downside of Doing

The downside of “doing,” in the absence of consciously choosing a state of “being,” includes:

  • Getting lost in physicality
  • Ignoring your well-being
  • Damaging relationships
  • Bringing out lower road behaviors
  • Regretting, later, that you were capable of being a better person
  • Delaying  inner growth and peace of mind

Upside of Being

“Being” is a choice. You decide which high-road behaviors you will consistently exhibit on a 24/7 basis. Making a conscious choice of how you want to live your life, and influence others, requires courage.

  • Being the best you can be
  • Being true to yourself
  • Being the captain of your life
  • Living a purpose-driven life
  • Having a positive impact on yourself and others
  • Growing and experiencing the fullness of life

How to Balance Doing and Being

Most people start with the “doing” component; this is a dead-end street. Begin with the foundational and contextual “being” side of life. Decide on one or two central themes for “how you want to be.” Think of what legacy you want to create; imagine what you want people to say about you when you are no longer here. Be realistic and select the highest values and behaviors you can sustain each and every day. Pick those that resonate strongly with you, do no harm, and serve yourself and others. Try them for a week or two, then experiment with new states of being to replace choices that didn’t feel quite right and were difficult to sustain. Let feedback from your inner self and others guide your choices.  You will find this process fun and fulfilling.

In summary, “being” defines “who you are,” and not “what you do.”  “Being”   is the tapestry, territory and landscape in which you live, work, relate, learn and grow.  The ideal combination is to be the best person you are capable of being, and superimpose the things (doing) you need to accomplish to navigate life; this provides flow, beauty and elegance to living life to the fullest.

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December 19, 2012

Gratitude…The Staircase of Positive Living

Stairs

Stairs (Photo credit: jeremydeades)

I’m wondering how many of you have felt alone and lost in the “basement level” of your brain, and didn’t know how to escape from the clutches of your negative feelings and thoughts. It’s a yucky and miserable experience.  We all have some knowledge about the power of a positive mental attitude; conversely, we also have experienced the effects of negative mental attitudes. Can you see that your mental attitude is a two-sided coin?  Is it possible you have a choice of where you want to live in terms of your mind state? If you believe you can become the “captain of your life,” the following practical neuroscience-based suggestions will help you climb stair steps to get positive and stay positive.

Getting and Staying Positive

Gratitude is the staircase of positive living. The first step is identifying everything you are grateful for. Consider organizing and recording these by categories on colored index cards.

  • Life: This includes breathing, sight, hearing, movement/touch, smell and taste. Even Helen Keller, without sight or hearing, lived a positive and productive life through gratefulness and the power of positive thinking.
  • Relationships: List the people who love and support you. Who do you know that reaches out to you and tends to be cheerful, helpful and non-judgmental?
  • Learnings: What have you learned from life experiences, which give you peace of mind and inner joy, regardless of outer-world happenings? These intrinsic learnings are, perhaps, the most important resource for a sustainable, positive mental and emotional attitude.
  • Gifts: What are you good at doing that gives you healthy satisfaction? Examples may include art, music, good listening skills, caring about people, sense of humor, being positive and helpful.
  • Environment: Consider where you live, available amenities, aesthetics, weather and nature.
  • Possibilities: What do you imagine in your mind’s-eye that elevates your mood state when you are feeling down? What are your most outrageous and wonderful dreams of what life can be like?

You probably have observed that there are few, if any, categories for extrinsic areas of gratitude; these have been deliberately excluded, as they are transitory and do not provide a sustainable positive mental attitude. This is not to say that money and physical possessions are not good or valuable; they merely come and go and rarely provide long-lasting peace of mind and fulfillment. Perhaps this is an underlying reason why so many people are negative and in pain.

Emergency First Aid Steps

  • Positive Affirmations: “I feel healthy! I feel happy! I feel terrific!” is a daily mantra recommended by Clement Stone and Napoleon Hill in their 1960 self-help book entitled Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude. Use this affirmation until you construct one that resonates better with you.
  • Reach Out and Ask for Help: When you are feeling low, lost and gasping for air, go to the one person that you trust will listen non-judgmentally. Quickly tell her/him how you are feeling and ask them what they think you should be grateful for. Do not try to analyze the reason you are being negative; this will only make things worse. Focus, instead, on what you can claim as things you are grateful for and are legitimately “yours;” these are things that cannot be taken from you or lost. This will pop your head above the water and give you the ability to breathe, think and see more clearly.

In conclusion, gratefulness is the staircase for positive living. Everything you are grateful for forms a neural “root system” that is the foundation for living life to the fullest. Imagine each thing you are grateful for as a step on your staircase; even if you trip and fall, you can land in a good place. Intrinsic areas of gratitude are more powerful and stable steps than extrinsic ones. Reaching out and helping someone, who is temporarily in a negative state, return to a higher level elevates you as well. Consider carrying cards with what you are grateful for, and your mantras, around with you. Practical neuroscience is at your beck and call to create a better life and better world.

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November 15, 2012

Practical Neuroscience of Reversing Negativity

Turning frowns upside down

Replace negativity with positive thinking to turn frowns upside down

Have you observed and experienced an increase in negativity in the world? Politics are but one of many glaring examples of people attacking each other, expressing negativity and bringing our mood state down, as opposed to raising morale and improving the human condition.  Negative energy “rubs off” on others, and conditions get worse as negative thinking stimulates more negative thinking. This is a wake-up call to think more positively and leverage our collective brainpower for a better life and world.

If the power of your brain creates negativity and fear, think about what you can experience on the polar-opposite side by consciously using your brainpower toward different outcomes. Practical neuroscience is the only escape route I am aware of to transcend negative thinking, behaviors and outcomes.  A positive mental attitude and fresh imaginative thinking may be easier and quicker than you think. If you believe that “changing your inner thinking changes your outer world conditions” you possess a foundational truth to create greater prosperity, happiness, safety and peace of mind.

What is Negative Thinking?

Negative thinking is a low level emotional state characterized by fear, seeing scarcity, feeling bad, perceiving threat, being judgmental, blaming and attacking others, confused and scattered  thinking, and not seeing the “light at the end of the tunnel.” Negative thinking seems to occur on the sub-conscious level and arises in unexpected ways. It may be activated by current events that trigger negatively charged memories and then project fearful scenarios into the future. It may also be subtle and simple like a media or internet message that creates a domino effect in your brain. Negative thinking is “negative imagination” and serves everyone poorly; it’s a living hell, often created by fallacious information and groundless fear.

Negative emotional states are not “real;” they only seem real because of physical sensations and cascading thoughts that “things are very bad and out of control.”  Negative thoughts and feelings pick up speed and gravity when you dwell on them; a group of people sharing the same negative thoughts creates an exponential “henny penny effect.” Stock market crashes, financial crises and wars could have been averted had people been able to break free of panic caused by negative thinking.  It’s time we take conscious control of our most important asset, brainpower.

How to Reverse Negative Thinking

The key to controlling and transcending negative thinking and emotions is to recognize them for what they are; unreal with no intrinsic power. If negative thinking is the reverse of positive thinking, then start to think and act positively; this is the magic elixir.  The power used to create negative consequences is the same power available to create positive and pleasant outcomes; it’s two sides of the same coin. You don’t have to rely on a toss; you have the power to choose which side of the coin will define your life.

Positive thinking is characterized by seeing an abundant world with infinite resources, optimism, feeling safe, strong self-esteem, being happy, cooperating and collaborating, and trusting your brain to create solutions to challenges.  “Positive imagination” has the reverse effect of “negative imagination;” think about what your world would be like if you and others practice positive thinking 51%, or more, of your thinking time.

Positive thinking brings the best out in everyone willing to participate. For people deeply entrenched in negative thinking patterns, the process of “thought reversal” still works if they practice the adage of “fake it until you make it.” Forcing a smile on your face, a healthy laugh and repeating affirmations like “it’s not as bad as it looks and feels,” “there is a way out of this mess” and “cooperating with others will change this situation” get’s the attention of the higher and positive thinking  parts of your brain.

The most important part of reversing negative thinking is  stating the positive outcomes you want; saying and thinking what you don’t want always makes things worse because what you give attention to, gets stronger.  Writing, envisioning and saying aloud what you want will kick-start your higher cognitive brain functions until positive thinking becomes automatic.

In closing, the power of positive thinking increases exponentially when you connect and align with people of like mind. This fun, powerful and simple process creates solutions and new realities that do no harm to you or others; the maximal state is helping others improve their quality of life, as you improve yours. This builds good will and magnetizes more people to join you, increasing the benefits for all exponentially.

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November 2, 2011

Five Common Pitfalls Entrepreneurs Should Avoid

Pitfall! (my version)

Image by docpop via Flickr

Avoiding or correcting any one of five pitfalls for entrepreneurs may be the tipping point to achieving your goals and improving the quality of your life. I have personally experienced and observed all these behaviors since becoming an entrepreneur in 1979. Most of these pitfalls have relatively quick and simple escape routes using practical neuroscience and common sense. The pitfalls are listed in no particular order of priority; all are important to avoid for a happy and fulfilling life.

  1. Lack of Focus

Some entrepreneur’s brains are like a nuclear fission reactor that self-fuels and regenerates itself with a continuous stream of new and better ideas. This creates a scenario where the entrepreneur may be doing excessive multi-tasking without getting meaningful work accomplished. Sometimes, when projects get close to completion, an entrepreneur loses interest and wants to move on to something new and different, leaving the project without a sustainable infrastructure. “Focus” is the operative word. If you relate to this pitfall, consider bringing in trusted advisors who share your vision and have strong Sequential thinking skills to help organize, prioritize and develop a logical and orderly work plan around your ideas and concepts.

  1. Low Self-Awareness of Strengths and Limitations

Many entrepreneurs’ passion for their dream causes them to jump into a new endeavor without taking the time to see how well equipped they are for the journey. All too often, the well-intentioned, good-hearted entrepreneur learns through trial and error that they should have taken an inventory of their strengths and limitations. Very few entrepreneurs consider the alignment of how their brains are wired – to learn, think, create, solve problems, make decisions and communicate – with their chosen life path. Reliable, statistically validated online instruments provide this important but overlooked knowledge.

  1. Trying to Do It All

Most entrepreneurs feel they can and should do almost everything themselves; the result is some things taking longer to do, others less than well done, and little time left for personal relationships and taking care of themselves. The solution is to have trusted advisors, with knowledge and strengths different from theirs, who can advise them on where to apply their strengths and when to assign work to people better suited to the tasks.  Strive for a diverse team of trusted advisors with skills and experience in the areas of finance, human resources, sales, public relations, technology, research and development, marketing, business planning and hands-on tactical implementation. Covering all the applicable bases with competent and committed people is a sure and safe way to maximize the probability of success.

  1. Compromising Health and Relationships

Health and relationships are listed together because they seem to walk hand-in-hand. Working long hours takes its toll on your physical, mental and emotional health. When you experience stress and your health is at risk, it’s likely that your rapport and communication with people you love and care about are also suffering. Correction of any of the three previous pitfalls will help alleviate stress and free up more time for restful sleep, proper diet, exercise and fun. Make personal health and relationships a component of your total picture of success.

  1. Believing Happiness is an Upcoming Event

Happiness comes from within and occurs in the present moment. Event-driven happiness is distressingly temporary and short-lived. Work happily and passionately in everything you do, each and every day. Waiting and expecting to achieve sustainable happiness and fulfillment from a future event robs you of the joy of the journey.

In summary, being aware of these five pitfalls will help you live that life you dreamt of when you first catapulted into the wild and crazy world of entrepreneurship. I hope you use these insights and ideas for a better life and better relationships. Please share your knowledge and best practices with fellow entrepreneurs. How many entrepreneurs does it take to build a better world?

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September 28, 2011

Recovering From a Crashed Relationship

Broken Heart symbol

Image via Wikipedia

When a relationship with a loved one or someone you work with crashes, the effect takes a big toll on your mental, emotional and physical health. How many of these symptoms can you relate to? What others can you add to the list?

  • Thinking about the situation and playing it back in your mind more than 3 times a day
  • Avoiding contact or feeling apprehensive about the person
  • Finding yourself attacking and/or defending, rather than searching for a solution
  • Having difficulty focusing on your work and other relationships
  • Sleeping less and fitfully
  • Building your case that you are “right” and the other person is “wrong” or “off-base”
  • Experiencing lower productivity and getting fewer things done
  • Feeling a sore throat or cold coming on, new aches and pains

Are you so immersed and drowning in your thoughts and feelings, that you haven’t considered asking some questions that may lead you back to a better state of mind and being?

1. Do you want to heal and improve the relationship? If not, why?

2. What positive outcomes will occur when your relationship gets better?

3. Does the other person want the same or different things?

4. Did the collapse occur over time or instantaneously, without advance notice?

5. What are your insights on the factors that contributed to the collapse?

6. Are you willing to open up and share your thoughts and feelings?

7. How well do you both normally communicate with one another? Does it seem you are on the same or different wavelengths?

Many couples and people who work together are simply not on the same “wavelength” when communicating and processing information. They also are likely to have very different strengths regarding work, personal activities and how they go about solving problems and making decisions. These differences, if you are unaware of them, will inevitably cause conflict and frustration. Being aware of your differences is the foundation for an extraordinary relationship because you cover a wide range of diversity and experience you can tap into and leverage.

Here is a solid and safe approach to repairing the damage in a crashed relationship. Agree to a time and safe place when “cool heads” prevail. Share the discussion questions above in advance. Take each question, one at a time, and allow each other to express without interruptions, judgements or questions. Ask questions after each person completes expressing their thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge each person’s thoughts and feelings by paraphrasing what you heard, observed and felt. Consider learning how you both prefer to exchange and process information if you decide to build a new and better relationship. The author resource provides a helpful website to expand and deepen appreciation and respect for one another.

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July 5, 2011

Three Secret Hot Tips for Exceptional Rapport and Communication

Communication

Image by P Shanks via Flickr

Nearly everyone desires exceptional rapport and communications with people they love and care about; this is the key to building successful and healthy long-term relationships. Professional relationships also require communication excellence to convey information efficiently and gain understanding quickly for people to do their jobs properly.

The core premise for exceptional rapport and communication is anchored in practical neuroscience. Achieving communications excellence requires attentiveness to everyone’s unique preferences for taking in and processing information. When you align your transmitting style with another’s preferred receiving style, you exponentially increase the probability for greater rapport and understanding. This is because people immediately become aware that you are on “their wavelength.” It is also important to respect the other person’s views, values and where they are coming from. These principles have enormous implications in all human relationships.

Hot Tip #1: Seek to understand before being understood

People relate to one another better when there is mutual respect and some level of caring about each other’s well being. In work situations, be sure to take the time to build sound relationship foundations, even if there are areas of disagreement and conflict. These foundations are particularly useful when time is of the essence to get things accomplished in stressful situations.

Interrupting one another to drive-home points-of-view, before paying attention and understanding each other, is a “dead end street.” Interruptions usually result in confusion, anger and resentment. It’s not necessary to agree with one another. Understanding respective positions, rationale and thinking, however, are required to co-exist peacefully. One can always find areas of commonality to move forward, no matter how far apart you may seem.

Hot Tip #2: Align with the person’s sensory and cognitive thinking preferences

Auditory learners prefer to listen and ask questions. Be sure to ask them to paraphrase their understanding of what you said; likewise, repeat back to them what you heard them say. They need quiet and interruption free environments to listen deeply and process what was heard.

Visual learners prefer to see instructions, progress reports and general information in visual form with a minimum of words. Use email, mind maps and white boards to convey key points. They prefer uncluttered environment to avoid distraction from what they are looking at.

Kinesthetic learners prefer hands-on interactions, when receiving and processing information. They need to incorporate movement and touch, when looking at or hearing about the subject matter. Provide for physical comfort, movement and frequent breaks.

Sequential thinkers prefer information presented in orderly, logical and realistic ways. They want facts, figures and data from reliable sources. Sequential thinkers prefer bright light and a formal work environment.

Global thinkers prefer the “big picture,” possibilities and options. They thrive in open-ended situations where they can use their imagination. Global thinkers prefer informal and unstructured environments.

Hot Tip #3:Match, Match, Match

Rapport language means specific types of words, which resonate with Auditory, Visual and Kinesthetic learners and Sequential and Global thinkers. Use the appropriate rapport language to match the preferences of others. To learn more about this, contact the author for a free, one-page Rapport Language List. The email link is on the Brain PathWays™ web site.

Vocal speed varies, depending on the person’s strongest sensory pathway. Pay attention to the other person’s vocal speed and match it respectfully, so they experience language alignment with you.

Body Language reveals what the person is experiencing and feeling. Imagine yourself as their dance partner. Be respectful and match subtly with similar, but not exact, movements. Make comfortable eye contact when eyes meet. Staring may make a person feel uncomfortable, whereas no eye contact may send the message that you are not interested.

In summary, secret hot tips for exceptional rapport and communication are simple and quick practical neuroscience methods that connect you with another person on deep and meaningful levels. These practices are based on conscious and respectful transmission of your message, in the way that the other person’s brain is wired to receive and process information most effectively. All personal and professional relationships you care about will benefit from these brain-based hot tips. The outcomes are always greater understanding, increased respect and enhanced ability to solve problems and move forward together.

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January 10, 2011

4 Simple Steps to Make New Year Resolutions Stick

New Year's Eve 2010 - Times Square, NYC - 1...

Image by asterix611 via Flickr

What’s your “batting average” in accomplishing your resolutions? If you’re like most people, you make resolutions thoughtfully and with very sincere intentions. You undoubtedly have an inner faith that you can achieve what you want in life. These goals may involve breaking a habit, improving a relationship, getting a better job, eliminating debt, saving money, losing weight or changing something unpleasant in your life. Do you know the reasons why most people fail in achieving their resolutions? More importantly, do you know the key steps to make your resolutions stick and become reality? Using the power of your brain and your trusted advisors is the key to manifesting your New Year resolutions.

The major reasons why most people fail to accomplish their resolutions are:

  • Instead of clearly picturing their desired outcomes, many focus on what they do not want. This is why so many people continue to get the same old results, even with the best of intentions to experience something different.
  • Many people don’t know how to build new neural pathways that attract and create the object of their resolutions.
  • Most people get distracted and discouraged after a week or more without experiencing progress.

Here are four simple and powerful neuroscience steps for manifesting your resolutions:

1. Believe It’s Possible. Napoleon Hill (Think and Grow Rich) said, in his landmark 1937 book, that “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.” He was so right. Your brain creates your reality and how you experience, react and respond to the world. It’s an inside game. Modern neuroscience has proven that leveraging your brain power is the key to manifesting your desired reality. The first step in making resolutions become real is to know and believe in the power of your brain.

2. Name It. Be extremely specific about what you want as desired outcomes. If your resolution involves debt reduction and saving money, then state the dollar amounts, dates, creditors to be paid, where savings will be invested and other specifics. Be sure to describe the interim and end-point events in detail, so there is no shadow-of- doubt when your resolution has been actualized. Walk away from all thinking regarding what you do not want, because this activity strengthens the neural pathway memory banks that helped create the situation you want to change. This step must be accomplished with clarity of mind and positive specificity.

3. Make it Real. This 3-part step is often ignored. Visualize in your “minds eye” and record in visual media (e.g. computer, sketch pad, mind map, scrap book) the following:

  • Your desired outcomes from Step 2. These are the facts, figures and specifics.
  • What do you want to experience in your “feeling world?” The stronger the emotions, the more likely your brain will engage enthusiastically with the process of finding solutions, working the plan and staying motivated. How do you see yourself feeling: relieved, happy, load off-your-back, lighter, free, clearer mind, able to move forward with life, more energy, less stress? Also, think about what you will be able to say about yourself after achieving this resolution. What will the people close to you see and say?
  • How will you achieve your resolution? Record your key ideas only. It’s not necessary to make a detailed plan because the above steps will engage your unconscious brain to get into gear, keep you motivated and achieve what you have conceived. Also, think about a couple of trusted advisors who have the knowledge and competencies to help you achieve your resolution. Ask these people to help you and offer to help them with their resolutions.

4. Trust the Process and Celebrate Success. The above steps are all you need to do. You have successfully programmed what you want to achieve and the benefits (mental, emotional, physical and spiritual). These constitute the “outcomes.” You have also “primed the pump” with initial implementation ideas. As you experience progress, even ideas and inspirations of what to do, celebrate success and the magnificence of your brain. Remember to thank your trusted advisors for their help and to keep them updated on your progress.

In conclusion, practical neuroscience is the key to manifesting what you want and avoiding what you don’t want. Be boldly audacious in visualizing what you want. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between shooting for the barn steeple or the stars. It also doesn’t know the difference between inner or outer world experiences. Because outer experiences originate from the “inner world,” doesn’t it make sense to create your world from where true creation occurs? The power of your brain is a powerful force that is 100% under your direct control. Joining like minds with trusted advisors amplifies the power.

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