When a relationship with a loved one or someone you work with crashes, the effect takes a big toll on your mental, emotional and physical health. How many of these symptoms can you relate to? What others can you add to the list?
- Thinking about the situation and playing it back in your mind more than 3 times a day
- Avoiding contact or feeling apprehensive about the person
- Finding yourself attacking and/or defending, rather than searching for a solution
- Having difficulty focusing on your work and other relationships
- Sleeping less and fitfully
- Building your case that you are “right” and the other person is “wrong” or “off-base”
- Experiencing lower productivity and getting fewer things done
- Feeling a sore throat or cold coming on, new aches and pains
Are you so immersed and drowning in your thoughts and feelings, that you haven’t considered asking some questions that may lead you back to a better state of mind and being?
1. Do you want to heal and improve the relationship? If not, why?
2. What positive outcomes will occur when your relationship gets better?
3. Does the other person want the same or different things?
4. Did the collapse occur over time or instantaneously, without advance notice?
5. What are your insights on the factors that contributed to the collapse?
6. Are you willing to open up and share your thoughts and feelings?
7. How well do you both normally communicate with one another? Does it seem you are on the same or different wavelengths?
Many couples and people who work together are simply not on the same “wavelength” when communicating and processing information. They also are likely to have very different strengths regarding work, personal activities and how they go about solving problems and making decisions. These differences, if you are unaware of them, will inevitably cause conflict and frustration. Being aware of your differences is the foundation for an extraordinary relationship because you cover a wide range of diversity and experience you can tap into and leverage.
Here is a solid and safe approach to repairing the damage in a crashed relationship. Agree to a time and safe place when “cool heads” prevail. Share the discussion questions above in advance. Take each question, one at a time, and allow each other to express without interruptions, judgements or questions. Ask questions after each person completes expressing their thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge each person’s thoughts and feelings by paraphrasing what you heard, observed and felt. Consider learning how you both prefer to exchange and process information if you decide to build a new and better relationship.
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It really hurts when you experience a crashed relationship with someone you care about. It takes courage and love to go through the healing, recovery and rebuilding stage. A helpful resource to get your communications aligned is your Brain PathWays report; start with your own report and add the other person later. Your personalized report gives you what you need to know about the people you are most and least in rapport with, how to align communications and an arsenal of practical neuroscience tools to “be the best you can be.” Click to purchase your Brain PathWays online self-assessment and download your report today.